Pain
by xLETxITxRAINx
Summary: *Episode 4x02* Because when I offered my blood, the pleasure was the last thing on my mind. She /needed/ it.
1. Love the Way You Lie

**A.N. A very short drabble. Takes place after season 2 premiere.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own nothing. And I stink at grammar.**

I didn't know I could feel this way. Sure, after she left the first time, I was hurt. But I searched for her. When I found out she had been alive for all this time. I felt betrayed. But I knew there was a chance she'd come back. But this? This was pain. Raw, unforgiving pain. Surly this justified my actions, right? The boy lay there, unmoving, still. And she wept. That doppelganger, that tease, that temptress wept. And I know I'm not right. How could I be? Nothing every worked in my favor. I kissed her. And she rejected me. She says she cares, but she can't. If she cared, she would show it.

So, I do the only thing I can think of. Once again, I run. This is the way the great Damon Salvatore deals with his problems? He runs? Yes. When your life has a switch, you have to. Because it's easy. It's the only thing I know. Turn it off, rely on your animal instincts. And hunt. Feed on every living creature that gets in your way. That's what I've been taught. That's what I do. I am an animal. A monster. I do not feel. I do not care. I do not help.

Up until this point, she's begged to differ. Now she cries. I've placed my heart in her soft hands. Now it's her choice. Does she protect it with her dying breath? Or will she drop it? Will she let it break against the ground? I hope not. Because if she does, I don't think I can find the strength to patch it back together again. I linger outside for a moment, listening to her cry over her brother, into my brother's shoulder. And I hear her choice. My glass heart shatters. The cracks have become to much. Her hate has destroyed me, in a way I didn't know possible.

Not even the familiar burn of alcohol sliding down my throat can ease this pain. Nothing can. Everyone I've ever loved has left me. They've turn against me, hurt me. And I don't know if I can bare it any longer. But, once again, I'll put on my best face. Give them a show. Because for all they know, it could be my last performance.

**A.N. So, what do you think? To dramatic? I did the best I could to portray Damon's feelings. Let me know how I did, if you enjoyed, ect. Thanks for reading. **


	2. The D Word

**A.N. The great reviews and feedback have prompted me to turn this into a series of drabbles. Thanks so much everybody!**

It would have been so easy. I could have just pushed her aside, and then we would all be better off. But, no. The temptress cared more for her friend then everyone's safety. Did she not remember what happened last time? I can't forget either. Her brother's heartbreak was great, wouldn't hers be the same? Losing a friend, a close one. What am I saying? She broke my heart… Yet I still care. Was she even buying my bad-ass act? I can barely buy it myself.

And then she saved my life. I laid there, weak, powerless. I burned. I thought it was all over. My pain would be gone. Then she jumped. I watched her fly over the flames, and grab her best friend. She said she hated me. It would be easier if she hated me. Does she enjoy seeing me in pain? Or does she really care? So damn confusing. All I want to do is please her. I'll keep trying. It will never work, not with my darling brother around. But I'll try. Because some people are worth fighting for. She's one of those people.

**I know it's not nearly as good. But this week's episode didn't have as much inspiration. I'll try to get a new chapter up after each episode airs, between Thursday night and Sunday. So, please let me know if this was any good. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Doppleganger

That day started with the kiss. That awful, awful kiss. Sure, I'd seen my brother and his beautiful girl kiss before. And every time I wished it was me. But this time it hurt more than all. Its almost as if she knew it would hurt me. Knew it would destroy me. And yet I took an arrow for her. Don't ask me why; I don't even know. Call it love. I don't care. She doesn't care. That's all that matters. What really made my day was her little speech. _"Friends don't manipulate friends." _Once again she twisted me around her little finger. And I feel for her hook, line, and sinker.

I put my heart on the line. I would give anything to have her trust me again, be-friend me again, love me. So I told her the truth. I didn't stop to think of the consequences. I admitted I murdered without feeling; without reason. I don't know how I could get more stupid. That little temptress is a true doppelganger. She looks the same, acts the same, hurts the same. If there is a god out there, stake me now. What is this, my sixth heartbreak? Seventh? I don't deserve this. I might be an insensitive jackass of a vampire, but how do I in Hell deserve this. I need some more Scotch.

**I loved this episode. don't really like this drabble. But, I wanted to get this out quickly, and I have homework. Hope you like. ****J**


	4. A Chance

**A.N. I'm so sorry this took so long to get out. I've been super busy. But, I'm hoping this was worth the wait. =) And I just realized I've been forgetting to put a disclaimer out. So here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except a poster of Ian Somerhalden. =)**

Near death experiences don't sit well with me. So, after them, I usually end up at some random bar. But today, today was different. I don't know what it was, but something drew me towards the Grill. As I entered, I saw Caroline go towards the bathroom out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored her. It wasn't worth my time. One shot down. Bourbon. The burn provided a familiarity, a comfort. How many times could I go through the pain of her rejection. How many times could I sit there and smile, while she told me she hated me, didn't want anything to do with me. Shot number two. Scotch. The blond had return. She seemed different, shaken. Once again, I ignored it. That wasn't my problem now.

Number three. Whiskey. In walks my brother and his girl, the doppelganger. Just my luck. It's like a constant loop. One bad thing after another. I try to ignore them, possibly ease my pain. I raise another glass to my lips, but pause as I hear the conversation unfolding behind me. This isn't right. What had I missed during my day at Elena's? What could have come between them in the short time Elena was at our house? And now… it was over. My first thought was to be happy. Now was my chance. My chance to win her trust, win her heart.

But then I realized how much pain she was going through. She was very much in love with my brother. I know. I've felt the pain of heartbreak many, many times before. And as much as I wanted to rub it in her face, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't care how much she had hurt me before. I still love her. There, I said it. I love her. I've been trying as hard as I could to deny it, suppress it, change it. But it was impossible. I wouldn't follow her, not yet. She just got her heart broken. The last person she would want to see right now would be me. But now there was a chance. The smallest hint of chance. And that's all I need.


	5. 30 Second BreakUp

**A.N. I did this drabble in more of an interview style. So picture Damon sitting in a chair, telling you about his day, and his life. I think it sounds better that way. Or ignore me. Do what you want. Whatever gets me more of your amazing reviews. =)**

I don't know what it is about me that makes me so risky, so on edge. I could blame it on her, but I'd be lying. I do it to feel something. It may end up being pain, but sometimes that's easier. I almost died again today. But yet again, the temptress saved me. It's almost getting… annoying. You know, you'd think I wouldn't be surprised that another person turned against me. Another person put what I am before who I am. But, and believe it or not, every bullet that struck me, the more I wanted to live. The more people who hate me, the more I want to prove them wrong. The more people who leave me, the more I want to hang on to those who stay. God, I sound like such a… such a Stefan. Speaking of which, couldn't he and the doppelganger stay broken up for more than five minutes. It's so hard to make a move when your trying not to be a dick. I should write a book_:** Why Not To Try To Steal Your Brother's Girlfriend**__**. **_I could list a hundred reasons right off the bat. Though, I did make progress. I don't know if it was in the direction I wanted it to go in, but it was progress. There was a part of me she didn't hate. I know, radical concept. What? Not deep enough for you? You want romance, go read Twilight. Wait, no, even I'm not that evil. Why are you in my house anyway?

_**A.N. I tried to get away from some of the drama and put in some humor. Let me know if you liked it. If not, I'll try to write it into something like I had been doing. Please review!**_


	6. Preview

**A.N. As there was no new episode this week, and I didn't want to face angry mobs of people when I didn't update, I've decided to post a preview to a story my best friend and I are working on. It is AU after season one finale (and set a bit into the future) and will include original characters. So, here it is. Enjoy :) **

Damon had returned to his drinking habits. Yes, he does drink all the time, but not like this. He drowned shot after shot. Empty bottles littered the floor. Scotch, Brandy; Damon wasn't picky. Whatever he could do to drown the pain. Act shocked, it's okay. It's a strange concept. The great Mr. Salvatore… feeling pain? But it's true. He never thought he would regret letting a girl walk out of his life. There were always more. None of them meant anything. A snack, some fun, and snap; they're dead. But here he was wallowing in self pity. Over a sixteen year old girl. One who couldn't care less about him. She was independent, fiery, strong. And she could resist every trick in Damon's book.

"So frustrating," Damon said to himself, letting more liquid burn it's way down his throat. He could still see her flirty little glances, the way she swayed her hip when she knew he was watching. Such a tease. But he couldn't have her. He could take her… no, Damon wouldn't do that. He tried to convince himself it was for his brother; didn't want his wrath. It was a lie though. The younger Salvatore had nothing to do with this. It was all this girl. Amanda. What was it about her that drove the vampire crazy? Why, on her first day of school, when they had gotten into a fight, had he been distracted by her black eye? Why did he want to kill whoever had done it? And as she stalked away from him, annoyed and frustrated, why had he wanted to follow after her?

The dance had been a disaster. Damon didn't even remember what made him go. Did he know something was going to happen? Or was it listening to the girl's giggles, as they got ready in his house? Watching the temptress walk down his front stairs, in her white gown. The lace cascaded over her shoulders, stopping at her knees. And she smiled. For the first time, since the night he found her, her real, genuine smile painted onto her face. It was beautiful. But the smile wasn't meant for him. No, he was just the psycho vampire who haunted her every waking moment, as she so generously put it.

Damon saw Amanda afraid that night. Amanda was never afraid, it wasn't who she was. Angry, proud, sarcastic; those described her. Afraid just didn't fit. But she was. Damon saw her vulnerable. It was unnerving. He couldn't protect her. Not from her own nightmares. When she and Emily had been caught eavesdropping, they ran. He didn't know it was them; if he did, he wouldn't have followed. Amanda, blinded by fear, gave way to her hidden clumsiness. The Salvatore didn't mean to wipe a finger over he fresh wound. But the bloodlust had already taken over. Before the vampire knew it, his fangs were in the girl's neck. It felt almost right, but guilt took him over immediately. Here she was, unconscious, and the vampire was taking more life away from her.

That night, he ran. Damon Salvatore was once again running away from his problems. It wouldn't be the first time, and it wouldn't be the last. That's just what he did. Dealing with it would take too much effort. Like a flip of a switch, the grief, pain, was gone. He was an animal again. Damon ran for a long time, and when he was far enough away, he hunted. An animal. That's all he was, all he could ever be. Katherine made sure of that. If she couldn't have him, no one can.

Damon's vision became blurrier with every drink he took. The walls span. He stumbled around the room, looking for more booze. He tripped and landed face down on the couch. Stefan found him there a few hours later, passed out, surrounded by bottles.

**A.N. Well, what do you think? Let me know how it can be improved. Can't wait for your feedback. :)**


	7. It's My Fault

I wanted to die as I heard her plaintive sobs echoing down the hallway. I could almost hear her heart break even more with every word she spoke, and mine along with it. I stopped her from leaving, called her back. I wish I hadn't. She turned to face me; her eyes red, tears dripping down her face. That's the second I knew it was entirely my fault. I hadn't listened. I never do. My brother warned me not to provoke her. But I did. I'm so sorry.

Everything would have been so much better if I hadn't returned. I never would have released the tomb vampires, never would have killed so many people, never would have set off Katherine's wrath. Now, one by one, she will kill off everyone. I don't know what to do. I want to help. I've never wanted to help so much in my life. But I'm not meant to play hero. I don't know who that role lies to anymore. I'm so sorry.

She hates me. I know she does. She knows as much as I do that this is all my fault. I've got to stop this. I'll do whatever I can to make this right again. I have to protect her, in the ways I couldn't before. I'm so sorry. I wish I never came back. Then I never would have fallen in love. Not again. Never again.

**A.N. Sorry this took so long. Been preparing for the soccer championship! Yeah, my teams going. Anyway, hope this was worth the wait. Please review. (And, p.s, this episode was amazing!)**


	8. Normal Lives

I paused, the stake inches away from my old love. A voice stopped me from driving it into her heart. And I was pissed. The traitor in front of me was almost laughing at her impending fate. She knew I couldn't do it. She knew, as much I wanted her dead, I would never hurt Elena. How could she stoop so low? If I could, I'd rip her heart out of her chest, break her neck, cause her twice as much pain she'd caused for everyone she'd ever met. I had to let her go, it's not like she could leave. Now, as she taunted me, I'd taunt right back. It's all I could do. I have to wait. I'll get my chance to get revenge.

Tonight was the first time I've seen her beg. The panic written on her face was foreign. It was uncharacteristic. But once again, she turned to lies to solve her problems. The only difference this time, was I could see right through them. Tonight I made a promise. I made a promise to Katherine, to Elena, but mostly to myself. I would protect her with my dying breath. No longer would a psychopathic controlling bitch ruin our lives. She'll rot forever in this tomb. Our lives could go back to being normal. We'll, as normal of lives of three vampires, a witch, two Gilberts, and a vampire hunter can live.

A.N. I loved that episode. Probably the most brilliant one yet, in my most humble opinion. Let me know what you thought!


	9. It's All For Her

You would think that loving someone who doesn't love you back would be the worst thing in the world. Having to watch her smile, and know it's not for you. Having to watch her cry, and know the tears aren't for you, will never be for you. To see her full, red lips, and know they will never touch yours. To see her beautiful body and know it will never belong to you. The story of my life. But it's not the worst. It doesn't even come close.

Knowing she's too good for you. Knowing everything you do will hurt her. Knowing everything you do will hurt her even more. Knowing you can't protect her. Knowing she belongs to someone else. Knowing she belongs to your little brother. I feel like I'm in the middle of some teenage drama, and someone who really hates me is my writer. Sometimes I just want to give up. But that one thing kept me going. Her small thank you, her wordless thank you, gave me a bigger hole in my heart. So I had to tell her. I told her I loved her. But I couldn't let her remember. It would be easier for her. Easier for me. But this isn't about me. It's all for Elena.

**A.N. Can you say episode genius? And what's up with the Jeremy/Bonnie romance? It's strange, but I kinda like it. Anyway, let me know what you think?**


	10. The End

I longed to feel. I longed to feel something, anything. Being rejected so often, so harshly, after decades of acceptance… It was unnerving. The attraction appeared instantly. She saw something in me, and I saw something in her. But she wasn't Elena. No one was Elena. But I needed something. Rose was it. I doubt it would evolve into anything. It rarely did.

I can tell this isn't over. It don't think it ever will be. I should have realized that early on. This couldn't end with one vampire's death. It's too complex for that. Nothing's simple with vampires. We hold grudges. We get revenge. It's what we do. I can't tell you what will happen next. I can't tell you how it will end. But I promise you one thing. I won't give up without a fight. Never have, never will. It will take more than a few poorly patched up hearts or some pissed off vampires to change that. So come at me with all you've got. I'm ready. I'll always be ready. You know why? It's because, unlike those completely cold-hearted originals, I've got something they'll never have. I have something worth living for.

A.N. Alright, I've become way to busy to keep up with this anymore. So, I'm sorry, but this is complete. Also, I'm not getting enough feedback to improve. I average one or two reviews a chapter, and hundreds of views. I'm also not working on the previously scheduled multi-chapter Vampire Diaries fic. I've lost my muse for this topic. However, I'm moving onto a different genera. So thanks for being such a great audience. Hope to see you guys again soon!


	11. She Kissed Me

She kissed me. She, on her own free will, kissed me. The beautiful doppelganger kissed me and forgave me. If I hadn't been dying the whole time, it could have been the best night of my life. Scratch that, it was the best night of my life. Until I learned the price of my cure. My brother, always the martyr, devoted a lifetime of servitude to Klaus just so I could live. He gave up everything so his ass of a brother could live. What is wrong with him?

I'm still lying on my bed, just lying, letting the cure wash out the disease. And she's crying. She's lying in my arms mourning Stefan's sacrifice. It's killing me. To see her in so much pain is agonizing. Because I know there isn't anything I can do to ease it. I lay a kiss on her forehead, promising her I would do anything, everything to save my brother. It was a promise I intend to keep. It's a promise I will keep. No matter the cost.

The undead doppelganger had said it was okay to love both of them. But he knew the girl in his arms wouldn't. She couldn't. It would tear her apart. She wouldn't choose me. She made that very clear. But that's why she was with me now. Her choice, her love, was gone. He gave himself up. To save me. And in the process he hurt her.

I will never forgive him for that. But I can't pretend I'm ungrateful. He did save my life. But he killed a part of me too.

Her sobs become louder, more desperate. I make her look towards me. I find the necklace claps behind her neck, and I can feel her panic as I remove the jewelry. She squeezes her eyes shut, refusing my offer. I just wait. When she opens them again, I look deep into those chocolate orbs. Her eyes close again, softly on my command. And she sleeps a dreamless sleep. I place the necklace around her small neck, and leave another kiss on her forehead.

Then, I cry.


	12. Her Pain

"We'll survive this. We _always_ survive." She held my face in her hands, gently. I couldn't even look her in the eye. I couldn't face what I'd done. She didn't understand. She couldn't. I was mere moments, milliseconds, from ending our pain, my brother's pain, _her _pain. But he stopped me. He ripped the dagger from my fingers and drove it through our ally's chest. I stared up at him in disbelief. What had he done?

She seemed to struggle for words. My brother was who knows where. And it must be killing her. But the words that followed didn't seem to come from her lips, couldn't have. "Then we'll let him go." Let him go? After months of searching, months of coming one step closer only to be shoved six steps back. And she was willing to forget all that.

For a moment, my heart leaped. She couldn't mean… no, get a hold of yourself Damon; don't go down that path again. I found myself nodding numbly. That's hardly the response I wanted to give. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wanted to shove her up against the wall, take her lips as my own. I wanted to throw my brother at her feet and make him beg for her forgiveness.

Most of all, I wanted to hold her, just hold her and never let go. Because she deserved that. Someone to be strong for her for once. Someone to take the weights of her shoulders and carry her the rest of the distance. But here I was, needing her comfort. Here I was, needing her to support me as I regretted and remorse over my every mistake.

I sighed internally as my phone rang. She pulled away from me, suddenly realizing what she was doing. I bickered for a moment with her doppelganger. "Take care of yourself," I murmured. Elena turned her head slowly at this, and I almost saw a hint of something in her eyes, but it was gone in a second. And I knew the moment was gone. I turned away, almost regrettably. I have to make this up to her. I will make this right. She's all I have left.


	13. Guilt

Guilty. I felt guilty for the words unspoken, the acts undone. And I turned, leaving her there, wishing I didn't have to keep doing this. But then something snapped. The small resistance that had been growing thinner every day broke, and I found myself back on the porch.

Her lips, softer, sweeter than I remembered. Her touch, gentler, more loving, than her doppelganger's had ever been. I could taste her feelings pouring out more with each second. I could feel her love in her lips, connecting with the love I'd felt for a long time. And I knew. I knew that things had to change.

She didn't pull away. She didn't push me away, slap me, throw her sharp words at me. She, had I imagined it, kissed me back? But she did, I know she did. I knew it had to change.

I felt her pain in that kiss. I felt her loss, her abandonment, her concern. She lost everything. And she was clinging to everything left. Every tear she ever cried, every pain she ever felt, I felt in that kiss. I felt the need, the want, and the love. It has to change.

I wanted to take it all away. I wanted the tears to be gone, the pain, the fear. And as we broke apart, I listened to her soft intake of breath. I saw how human she truly was. And I turned away, determined to change something, anything, everything.

Klaus would pay. Stefan would pay. Every ex-boyfriend she ever had, every friend who stabbed her in the back, everyone who even touched her the wrong way would pay. Because tonight everything changed.

Tonight I finally know how she feels.


	14. Chapter 14

"Maybe if I had met you first, things would be different." The words continued to ring in my ears long after I hung up the phone. If I had met her first? I don't think I'll ever see a day I don't regret my decisions. I couldn't help but think back to the day of the bonfire. The day the doppelganger's car plunged into the river. The day we met.

"Katherine?" Mistake number one. She wasn't Katherine. She would never be Katherine.

"You want passion, adventure, maybe even a little danger." Mistake number two. With the life she's lived, she must want anything but danger. She wants safe, supportive, stable. I'm none of those things.

"For now, you need to forget we met." Mistake number three. I took away our conversation. I took away her memory. I took away any hope of us being together. All because I didn't want my baby brother to know I was back to torture him some more.

Then I walked away. Mistake number four. That's one mistake I'll never make again.

Before I even knew what was happening, Ric was dead in my arms. My best friend was dead. It took me a minute to process what that meant. If Ric was dead… no, it couldn't be possible. I ran back to Mystic Falls faster than I'd ever run in my life. She couldn't be gone. I couldn't lose my beautiful doppelganger.

"Where is she?" It was more of a demand than a question. I couldn't even process what the doctor was saying. I refused to believe she was dead. Not Elena. Elena is too strong, too selfless, too full of life. She survived vampires, werewolves, witches, doppelgangers, hybrids, originals, and even being sacrificed. Elena doesn't die. Elena can't die. Not from something as stupid as water.

"I saved her." Those were the only words I heard. It didn't make any sense. Up until a moment ago I couldn't accept reality. What was the doctor trying to say? Elena was gone. Elena was dead. Elena had drowned.

Elena is what she never wanted to be. My beautiful doppelganger is a vampire.

**A.N: Okay… I'm still processing. I'm still in shock. I'll get back to you once I sort out what just happened…**


	15. 4x02

In all honesty, visiting Alaric and having a nice long chat wasn't that foreign of a concept. It happens way too often for my comfort. Makes me look like a sap. Talking to a dead guy. Who's listening? It's better than some crappy paper lantern ceremony, I'll tell you that. So, why was I bitching to a plot of land? It's her damn fault. Okay, alright. Mostly mine.

I don't know why I did it. It was so stupid but, God, it felt right. One little cut, a prick of pain, then nothing but pure bliss. Sharing blood? Personal's a bit of an understatement. Private, intimate, pleasurable. Yeah, those fit a little better. Her lips wrapped around my hand, teeth sinking so easily into my flesh, taking every drop of blood I offered like she owned it. Well, in a way, she does. I don't think she understands how much I'm willing to give her. Because when I offered my blood, the pleasure was the last thing on my mind. I didn't give it for the sentiment. She _needed_ it. You can't have any idea how much it hurt watching her suffer, and not being able to stop it.

"I tried, Ric." I shrugged, taking another long sip. "God, you don't know how hard I tried. I never wanted this for her…. Alright, alright, stop giving me that judgmental look. Yeah, I was selfish with her. I took away her choice to keep her alive. Can we move on from that?" I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "But she doesn't want this. And, really, I tried to find a way to stop it. But no cigar. So, next best thing; help her. Make this as easy as possible. Nope on that one too. Baby brother got in the way." I laughed humorlessly, more alcohol down. I left the thing about sharing blood unsaid; don't need to open that can of worms in front of him.

"Oh, what am I doing." I grumbled, laying my glass on the bench. "Who am I fooling? Who gives a crap if we met first, it'll always be Stefan. So you know what, Ric? This one's for you." I said dryly, picking up my glass and draining it. "And if you want to offer up any advice from the other side, I'm all ears. Because until then, I'll just keep doing what I do best. Keeping her safe, and praying this gets easier. For me too, if that's possible. Eh, see ya buddy." I stand, looking at the grave again for a few seconds before nodding in respect, turning, and walking away. Before I can get far though, I pause, stiffening slightly and turning back to the bench. I could have sworn I felt something… I shook my head, turning back. "Alcohol's getting to you already, Damon? Pathetic."


End file.
